Quizzes' Week, Really Hectic.

Assalamualaikum!

tomorrow, monday, 24th november 2008, i will be having a biology quiz and maybe, MAYBE, chemistry quiz too.
our chemistry lecturer didnt give us any clue at all when is our quiz.
for some reason, i manage to understand chemistry more than biology for this second semester, maths still in the first place for the ranking of the hardest subject to understand.
besides the fact that it was hard, the fact that i did not really pay 100 percent attention during lectures also did not help at all.
So go figure.

Maths tutorial really helped a lot in overcoming my "not-understanding-maths-really-well" situation.
Thank you Mr. Ghani!
My lecturers for this second semester, alhamdulillah, semuanya best belaka.
sama macam semester 1.
bersyukur sangat-sangat.

one of my vows, takkan sesekali ponteng kuliah selagi takde reason yang kukuh!
tutorial and praktikum, ya ampun, takkan ponteng la.
sesape yang buat camtuh, memang serius berani mati amik risiko yang sangat besar.
ahahhaa.

so last weekend, i went to fifah's house.
ada kenduri cukur jambul and kenduri arwah.
seriusly, i have this longing to have children on my own.
sounds weird tak if i'm talking about this stuff at the age of 17?
huhuuh.
i seriously wanna be a mother who have seriously good-looking and comel children, (AMIN!)
I wanna give them the best education
Provide them with great shelter and comfy clothes and good food
well, that's everyone's dream right?
the thing is, i'm not sure whether i'm capable of being a good mother, a good parent.
whoaaa.
i have so many disadvantages, imperfection (is that a word or what??)
sometimes im not sure whether there are people out there who will accept me for who i am.
let me come clean about something.
i'm not like girls or gadis dolu2, where they know how to cook, they know how to bake, they know how to jahit baju, they know how to buat kerja rumah, or secara ringkasnya, they are the perfect example of a "perfect-housewife".

i'm not like that.
tak tawlah mana silapnya, its not that i dunno how to do buat kerja rumah (agak melampau yek kalau langsung tak taw buat kerja rumah, im not that teruk)
i'm not that perfect.
aiyoh!
kalau nak dibandingkan dengan kawan2ku yang lain, daku sangat ketinggalan belakang.
ohh.
sedihnya, seriously.

okay, i have mentioned earlier that im not sure whether there is someone out there that will accepy my imperfection.
i had heard of this one tazkirah that my jiran gave during al-mulk,


"Hawa,
Andai ditakdirkan tiada cinta daripada Adam untukmu,
cukuplah hanya cinta Allah SWT memenuhi dan menyinari kekosongan jiwamu,
biarlah hanya cinta daripada kedua ibu bapamu yang memberi hangat kebahagiaan buat dirimu,
cukuplah sekadar cinta adik beradik serta keluarga yang membahagiakan dirimu."


This tazkirah really affect me.
i got to admit,
i have been uh, hurt ke the right word? uhh. i dont know..
uhhh.
kenapalah aku kena dikelilingi oleh orang yang dilamun cinta?
ahahahah.
apadaaa punye soalan.
its not that i'm fed up or jealous or anything.
cuma, terdetik di hati,
bilakah dapatku merasa perasaan dan pengalaman sedemikian.
and then i think about it again,
i had rather not kot.
biarlah takdir Tuhan yang menentukannya.
AHAHAHA.
Aku MERAPIK.

sometimes daku pelik, kenapa daku kena jadi dis really childish person
sometimes dah penat jadi childish.
dah penat dapat reaksi daripada orang yang tak interested layan bebudak childish.
huish.
and i am seriously tired and fed up of people yang ignore akuh!!!!!!
aku penat-penat kasi sms, miss call num dia, tak pernah berbalas!
penat taw tak.
it's like im the one who terhegeh-hegeh nak contact dorang, and they do not give a damn and do not even bother to contact me.
like my mom said, "Tak payahlah kau nak jadi macam hidung tak mancung, pipi kau tersorong-sorong."
and guess what mom?
ure seriously right.
AKU PENAT DAN FED UP!
biar AR!
tyme susah, tyme takda kawan, kau cari aku!
tyme dah ada kawan, dah ada a new life, kawan lama sume lupa!
its not that im being whiny or whatsoever,
bagi aku,
it doesnt hurt if you just type,
"Sorry, aku bz."
Doesnt hurt kan?
Jari kau tak sakit pun kan kalau menaip those three words, those 10 letters?
aku betul-betul tak paham with this kind of manusia.